HOW TO DEAL WITH VICTIMS OF ABUSE

"Our whole culture, our knowledge of thousands of years, has been devoted to developing ourselves as wise children, to changing ourselves rather than changing our environment, to humbling ourselves before the forces of nature, the forces and will of the Creator, to prevent our own egos from destroying us or our environment, to seeking balance and harmony within ourselves and to extend the balance and harmony to all our daily acts, to our very way of life" (The National Indian  Brotherhood in Witherspoon's & Satzewich's, First Nations:  Race, class and gender relations, 1993, p. 174).

GOALS:

10.1: To gain a knowledge of child abuse:

10.2: To gain a knowledge of the extent of abuse in our society;

10.3: To develop strategies for helping survivors cope with the effects of abuse;

10.4: To practice active listening skills with victims of abuse.

COMMENT: Ask the participants if they have any questions from the previous module. Allow only 5 minutes for this question period, deferring all additional questions until after the module.

ACTIVITY: 10.1: Presentation

TIME: 20 Minutes

When most of us think of abuse, we generally think of child abuse, abuse in which children are mistreated by their parents or caretakers. Unfortunately, in society at large there seems to be an epidemic of abuse, most notably, spousal abuse, particularly towards women. Of course, all types of abuse are hurtful and wrong, yet it is the abuse of children that jars our conscious more than anything else. It is not only because children are more helpless, but child abuse has the most devastating and long lasting effects. Most of us think child abuse occurs only in dysfunctional families, but in fact, child abuse penetrates every economic, social and ethnic barrier. Dealing with the problem of abuse is perhaps one of the most difficult issues facing First Nations Communities and one of the most difficult issues you, as a peer support giver, will experience. As peer support givers, you will probably not be faced with children being abused, but rather you will be dealing with adult survivors of such abuse. The purpose of this module, is to make you aware of the extent of child abuse, its affects on adult survivors and how to effectively support survivors of child abuse as come to terms with their past experiences.

What is abuse?

As society has grown more aware of the abuse, a lot has been done to make everyone, particularly children, more aware of inappropriate behaviour. It is routine in most Canadian schools to show the video "Feeling Yes, Feeling No," which shows children what abuse is and what to do about it. Child abuse is a deliberate action, which disrupts the growth and development of a child and can occur either by commission or omission. Child abuse can be physical, psychological or sexual.

Overt physical abuse can take the form of physically hurting a child through slapping, hitting, kicking, shoving them, or throwing objects at them. Obviously, any of these actions can cause broken bones, bruises, wounds, or other injuries. It is possible the abuse can lead to major injury and even death. Covert physical abuse can involve the failure to care, feed or adequately supervise children. Leaving a young child at home alone falls into the category of physical abuse and neglect and can result in criminal prosecution. Neglect also occurs when children are irregularly fed, inadequately clothed, or provided with unsanitary facilities.

Just as important to consider is emotional abuse. This involves humiliation or other actions which have the effect of frightening or terrorizing children. For example, constantly telling a child that he or she is stupid or incapable of doing something can inflict harm on the child's self-esteem. This could prevent the child from developing a sense of trust, a trait which could carry on into adulthood. Terrorizing children by telling them that if something is not done right or if they don't behave something terrible may happen to them is a very subtle form of abuse. While the intentions of these acts may appear benign, the result could have the effect of making them feel powerless and constantly fearful. What are some of the side effects of psychological abuse on children? According to Papalia and Olds (l990), "it has been linked to lying, stealing, low self-esteem, emotional maladjustment, dependency, under-achievement, depression, failure to thrive, aggression, homicide, and suicide, as well as psychological distress in later life; and it may also play a part in learning disorder" (p. 495).

One salient example of emotional abuse which directly effected First Nations people was the removal of First Nations children during the residential school period. Taking children away from their parents and community not only hurt the child, but hurt the parents well. It is hard to imagine that this was done for educational reasons, yet it was. All of us have heard these stories of how children, at an early age, were apprehended by the police or educational officials and separated from their parents and communities. Once placed in these schools, the main concern for these children was their educational welfare and little to nothing was done to foster the emotional and spiritual development of the students. Children were forbidden to speak their language and practice any aspect of their culture. Perhaps one of the worst effects of these Government actions was to separate children from their culture. To be separated form one's culture is to deny people their identity. This is just one of many terrible acts committed against First Nations people. Imagine the fear and pain of a child in this situation. The pain and suffering of these actions continue to resonate throughout the community over and over again much like the ocean's tide, coming in and out, over and over and over again.

Sexual abuse can include behaviour in which children are fondled, masturbated, and forced or induced into having intercourse. Some people may see some of these behaviours as a means of educating children about sexuality, but the harm these actions inflict upon children is negative, to say the least. The molestation of children occurs in all types of situations, but consider the following case that appeared in Maclean's magazine on November 27th, l989:

Last month in Calgary, a 41 year-old [man], a member of the Big Brothers Organization that looks after fatherless boys was convicted of sexually assaulting seven boys. Testimony indicated that [his] performed oral sex on them. In May, a 44-year old [man], a former public school teacher, was sentenced to 33 months in prison in Simcoe, Ontario, after he pleaded guilty to sexually assaulting two 11-year old boys and a 10 year old girl. A Nova Scotia man was convicted of sexually abusing his nine-year old daughter, whose name cannot be revealed. The girl's doctor said that, after watching a program involving child abuse, the girl told her mother that her father had been forcing her to perform sexual acts on him for five years. (pp. 56-57).

Of particular concern in many First Nations communities is the proliferation of pornography in the media, both on cable television and pictorially. Pornography depicting women as objects perpetuates abuse against females. In northern communities it is not uncommon for pornography to be viewed on television through cable access channels. These type of programs present distorted views of sexuality and promote violence against children and women. When these type of programs are combined with alcohol abuse or dysfunctional situations, one can begin to understand the reason why abuse within the First Nations population proliferates.

What is the incidence?

Unfortunately, we are not completely certain of the incidence of abuse within the First Nations population or even within Canadian society for that matter. In part, this uncertainty is due to the fact that child abuse often remains unreported as there is sometimes a code of silence in regards to discussing it. However, estimates of the incidence of abuse vary with both the degree and type of abuse One source, estimated that one in five females and one in eleven males are victims of sexual abuse before the age of 18. Perhaps a better indication of the extent of the problem is the shocking l984 Royal Commission report, chaired by Sociologist Robin Badgley, which suggested that one in two females and one in three males experience unwelcomed sexual acts.

It is difficult to imagine that adults would hurt so many children intentionally, yet one only has to hear of some of the stories that surface to truly realize the extent of the problem. Why do so many stories go unreported? One reason may be connected to the fact that the abuser is commonly a family member or close friend. As result, the victim may not want to report the abuse, thus preventing the true incidence of abuse from being realized. But even if you do take those cases that are reported, what is apparent is the rapid increase of cases. For example, in l988, Ontario received 933 reports of sexual abuse, compared to 286 cases in l980, while Quebec had 27,940 cases of abuse (all types) in l988 versus 17,145 cases in l981-1982 (Macleans, l989).

Physical abuse of children is most often at the hands of their parents or caretaker (e.g. a boyfriend or girlfriend of the child's parent). Interestingly, the perpetrators in physical abuse cases are more often females. This is because women spend more time in the care-giver role and, thus, are administering punishment to children more often than males do. It needs to be stressed, then, that women are not inclined to be abusive to children because they are female but rather because of the primary role they generally play in children's lives.

When abuse of children does occur at the hands of males, the consequences are more likely to result in serious harm (e.g. males are more likely to hurt children more lethally than females). It is hard to believe, but the home environment is one of the most violent places in society. Only the military and the correctional settings are more violent than the home. The extent of the violence is hard to believe, but twenty-five percent of the murders occur in the home (REF). The victims are frequently spouses and more often women. In situations where violence does occur, it usually occurs frequently. According to Gelles and Strauss (l980), "almost three children in a hundred had been threatened by a parent with a knife or gun at least once in their lifetime" (p. 20). In 90% of the child sexual abuse cases, the perpetrators are males.

What are the causes of abuse?

There are a number of differing theories as to why children are abused. In the past, it was commonly believed that there was a defect in the personalities of abusers, but increasing evidence suggests the origin of abuse is linked to the parents' history and social and economic factors. Intriguingly, many abusive parents were abused themselves or reared in dysfunctional environments where violence was common. Steinberg and Belsky (l991) state:

Because abused children have insecure, fearful relations with their own parents, emotional and social growth suffers.  Abusive parents have not learned how to form warm, secure relationships. Consequently relations with other people, including friends, spouse, and eventually children suffer (p. 318).

Perhaps it is the high expectation abusive parents hold for their children that drives them to abuse. After all, a child may just act as a reflection for the abusive parent(s). So to abuse one of your own, is to abuse yourself. Ironically, it is not hate for their children that drive parents to abuse, but their personal sense of failure as human beings. However, it needs to be stressed that children who are abused do not necessarily grow up to be abusive parents themselves. Interestingly, when parents do abuse, they tend to single out one of their children to abuse. Steinberg and Belsky (l991) suggest "premature, ill, or difficult children are at risk for abuse with certain kinds of parents" (p. 318).

Part of the problem in abusive environments is the added stress poverty, lack of education, and social isolation produces. That is, families that have low incomes, and cramped living spaces experience a higher degree of stress, thereby increasing the likelihood of violence and abuse. Sedack (l989) found that children from families who earn an incomes below the poverty line are five times more likely to be abused than children who come from more affluent families. In addition, children lacking the emotional and social support of two parents or from an extended family are more likely to be abused than those reared with an extended family and within a supportive community. Finally, many parents abuse their children as a result of ignorance. Many parents lack the knowledge and skills necessary for positive child rearing. All of us have heard the maxim: "spare the rod spoils the child." Some parents believe that liberal physical punishment is good for the child. Researchers have long known that discipline is a necessary ingredient in child rearing, but physical punishment, particularly excessive punishment, has shown to be counter productive. Using physical methods to solve problems often leads to a cycle of violence that can be perpetuated into the next generation. Essentially, people who live in dysfunctional conditions, whether economic, social or even spiritual, find it difficult to be empathic with other people. As a result, these people are more prone to utilize violence in their personal interactions with others. In the case of physical abuse and neglect, poverty, unemployment, poor housing, crime, substance abuse, and other stresses are primary antecedents to such abuse. In sexual abuse cases, people who do abuse fall into two categories; 1) the pedophile who experiences a life-long attraction to children and 2)those who abuse during periods of emotional or financial stresses.

What are some intervention strategies?

The best strategy for dealing with any personal and social issue is prevention. Olds (l985) described a program for poor, single, teenage mothers that taught child development to these teenagers. Along with education, and monthly support visits, mothers were able to develop closer ties with their infants. The aim of this program was to enhance self-esteem and increase the teenage mothers' confidence. This program was very successful as the results of an evaluative study showed that after two years, only 4% of the mothers abused their children versus 20% of poor, single, teenage mothers outside the program. Many studies also suggest child abuse decreases when parents can turn to others for help not only with child rearing but also for support with their personal problems.

The social service agencies in all provinces have established a number of programs that prevent child abuse and assist children who have been maltreated. When faced with situations in which you find Children being abused, it is imperative that it be reported. Child abuse laws are in force across the country. Under these laws, it is a requirement that teachers and counsellors report any suspected cases of child abuse or they themselves can be cited for neglect. Today, it is common practice, for school districts to provide workshops on how to recognize children who may be abused. What are some of the behaviours of abused children? One of the most common tell-tail signs that a child is being abused is a sudden change in the child's behavoiur. Another important sign to watch for, according to the Vancouver Incest and Sexual Abuse Centre, are young children who exhibit inappropriate sexual behaviours or who possess knowledge beyond their maturity. In most cases, abused children require medical examinations to determine the extent of their abuse. Many children will experience short- or long-term psychological or emotional distress. Those adults who are abusers require a wide range of social services to assist them in alleviating the factors contributing to their behaviour. Thus, professionals need to be brought into cases where child abuse takes place. Most often, the professionals are officials within agencies such as law enforcement, medical/mental-health or social service.

As peer support givers, the most likely situations you will find yourself involved with are dealing with adults who have experienced abuse in the past. A person may casually mention something about abuse that has occurred in the past. It may appear like the individual is not bothered by the event at all; however, the wounds of abuse are very deep and can last the remainder of the victim's life. The reactions to abuse for men and women are quite different. Males who are abused as children, often become aggressive and act out their anger on others, even to the extent of becoming abuser themselves. In part, males are not used to being victims and ,as a result, compensate for such abuse by becoming more aggressive. Females who have been abused tend to turn inward feeling both guilt and shame as they often blame themselves for the abuse. Sometimes females will turn to alcohol, drugs or prostitution to erase their feelings of guilt. Victims might not even be aware the abuse occurred when they were children, because the event was so traumatic they buried it in their sub-conscious as a means of surviving.

Specific Support Strategy

The issues involved in providing support to adults who have been victims of abuse as children are quite complex. Therefore, professional counselling is necessary if the individual has not resolved the personal issues. If this is the case, your most important role may be to help the person get professional help and subsequently be a part of his or her support system during the counselling. If the individual has received professional help, then your most important roles are as:

Active Listeners: The peer support givers should be empathic and open to anything that is shared regardless of the content and aspect of the information. It is very important for the person sharing their experiences to share with someone who makes them feel heard.

Trust Builders: The peer support giver should be accepting and open to anything that is shared, particularly with feelings of anger, denial, fear, guilt, and shame, which are the most common feelings of victims of abuse;

Communications Helper: The peer support giver should facilitate communication through empathy and concreteness, helping people to share their feelings and thoughts about their abusive experience;

Encourager: The peer support givers should validate the strengths and power of the victims as empowerment is a means of regaining a sense of control in their lives.

Conclusion

The abuse of children occurs in all socio-economic and in every cultural milieu. The fact the perpetrators of abuse are often in positions of trust makes the problem even more devastating. It undermines the self-esteem of the victim and produces a deep sense of guilt and shame. It is a problem that needs urgent attention from everyone in society. Everyday, we read in the newspaper of another case in which a parent, priest, relative or teacher has abused a child. Routinely, these cases receive a great deal of attention in the media. This exposure has positive effects in that it makes society more aware and, therefore serves to educate people about the issue of abuse. This is important, because abuse is often cyclic. That is, the abused often become the abuser. Moreover, these children often grow up with distorted attitudes about society and negative views about themselves.

People who have been abused say that what has made it possible to deal with the experience is the development of a positive sense of self. A positive identity, reflects personal control and brings a sense of empowerment. Thus, the peer support giver needs to help victims of abuse feel they do have control over their destiny, that they can move away from being a life-long "victim," and that they do have power over their existence. This means helping victims develop an inner awareness of personal strengths is an important component to the process of healing. According to Francis Dick, an artist and victim of sexual abuse,

Success is letting go of the things you get power from and going inside...these issues I continue to deal with are not cultural issues, they are people issues. That is where Wi'woma (spirit of the woman) comes in; [and] I believe we are all here to share the goodness within our cultures and from that collective pot we can heal ourselves and our communities (Times-Colonist, June 18, l993, p. E1).

Remember, you are most effective with adult victims of abuse when you:

1. are accepting of their feelings and thoughts regardless of the content;

2. are willing to hear their expressions of anger, shame and guilt;

3. are open, honesty, and sincere in your interactions with them;

4. intentionally reinforce personal strengths and a positive sense of self;

5. provide information about resources open to victims of abuse;

6. help victims build a support network in the community.

ACTIVITY 10.1: Sexual Abuse: A Case Study

TIME: 45 Minutes

DIRECTIONS: The goal of this activity is to examine the painful realities of sexual abuse by generating a discussion focusing on how to heal in the community. Explain to the group that you would like them to examine a sexual abuse case from three perspectives: the victim, the abuser, and the community. Use the following procedures:

1. Share with the group the following hypothetical sexual abuse case:

"A 61 year-old man, who is a trusted member of the community, has just been convicted of sexually molesting a girl nineteen years earlier, when she was eight and he was 42 years old. He confessed that he touched the woman inappropriately, by inserting his finger into her vaginal area and encouraging her to touch his penis. Apparently, he would ask her to reach into his pants pocket for candy, but the pocket had been removed and he wore no underwear. Before assuming a leadership position, the man was a fisherman who lived near the woman's family and was considered a close friend until the charges were laid by the police. The incidents occurred four or five times during one Summer. The man is very remorseful and apologized to the woman in writing once the inappropriateness of his actions is brought it to his attention. What bothers the woman is that the man is now in a leadership position in the community and she feels it is important to send a message to others in the community about sexual abuse. She has accepted the man's claim that he was experiencing alcohol abuse problems and he himself was abused as a child in a residential school. The 27 year old woman, who continues to live in the same community as the offender, is now married and has two children whom she worries about."

2. Divide the group into three smaller task groups of equal numbers, to focus on the issues from three different perspectives. Allow each group about 20 minutes to discuss the issue from one of the perspectives [Provide a list of questions for each of the task groups to consider within their particular group.].

Victim Task Group: Can you hypothesize what are the feelings of the victim? Was she right to bring the issue outside of the community? What can be done to bring her personal satisfaction so she can put the issue behind her? What would you do if you were in her "shoes."

Abuser Task Group: Can you hypothesize what the feelings of the man are? Even though the man is remorseful, has he been punished enough? What can he do to make amends for his past deeds? What would you do if you were in his "shoes."

Community Task Group: Can you hypothesize what the feelings of the people in the community are? Is this a community problem or a problem between the individuals concerned? What can be done to bring healing to the community?

3. Summarize the issues raised from the three different perspectives. There may be differing opinions or even some controversy about the issue, but that is to be expected. The issue is a difficult one, but necessary to discuss if the peer support givers are to work effectively with victims of abuse. You should remember to be very sensitive and respectful toward the concerns and ideas raised by all of the participants.

ACTIVITY 10.2: Helping Circle

TIME: 60 Minutes

DIRECTIONS: Ask the participants to form a circle with their chairs. Either ask for a volunteer to role play an adult victim of abuse or role play it yourself using the case described in Activity 10.1. The group should focus on trust building, active listening and encouragement. After providing the participants with an opening monologue describing the problem, allow the participants the opportunity to help by asking questions or by offering any responses to the person doing the role play. At the conclusion of the group interaction, initiate a discussion regarding what was and was not helpful. Be sure to encourage the group to experiment with the many peer support skills practiced in earlier modules.

[NOTE: The chances are quite high that someone in the training group has personally experienced sexual abuse or has knowledge of someone close to them who has experienced abuse as a child. If so, the group needs to be as sensitive and supportive to the individual as possible. If the person is willing to share his or her perspective, allow them to do so, but be sure to remind the group that any sharing is to be confidential and should not be talked about outside the group. One question that could be posed to the person is: "What could a peer support giver do, to be most helpful?"]

ACTIVITY 10.3: Invited Speaker from an agency dealing with adult victims of abuse

TIME: 60 Minutes

DIRECTIONS: The purpose of this activity is to acquaint peer support givers with one of the many agencies in the community that help adult survivors of abuse. The invited speaker should describe her or his agency, the type of counselling done at the agency, and how the peer support givers can be most helpful to anyone who has experienced abuse. Enough time should be given at the end of the presentation so participants can ask questions.

ACTIVITY 10.4: Case Study: Referring an Abuse Victim

TIME: 45 minutes

DIRECTIONS: Divide the class into groups of 5 or 6 participants. Next, give each of the groups the following case to discuss. Give them about 20 minutes to discuss the issue and what to do about it. Afterwards, ask each group to report their ideas. Be sure to summarize each group's solution and complement them on their idea.

CASE: Maria, a friend of yours, is a 21 year old student, who has been depressed. Other than you, she has always been a loner, seldom dating and very un-trusting of men. After asking her to tell you the problem, she discloses reluctantly, that she has a "major" problem. Hesitantly, she discloses that recently she has been approached by a close family friend for sexual favors. This friend was a neighbor who was quite close to her family. When she was twelve years old, she and her brother went on a fishing trip with the friend. Unfortunately, the friend assaulted her twice on the trip. Afterwards, he told her that if she ever told anyone, he would not only kill her, but himself as well. She buried the experience, until recently when the man came to the city and looked her up. She knew he was drunk at the time of his sexual advances, but it still brought back her "bad" memories. Now, she is afraid for her younger sister. After spurning his advances, the man discloses that he did not mind., after all, he explained, he has her younger cousin to "fall back on." What will you do? What will you do about your friend? Design a strategy you can use to assist her deal with the situation.