HOW TO BE SUPPORTIVE ?

MODULE TWELVE

"He told me one day that I must look at the beautiful forest where the trees and shrubs and tiny plants grow in a harmony of variety. He pointed out to me how some trees grow tall and straight to shelter the small trees and the misshapen ones; how delicate flowers nestle among the grass at the foot of the trees catching the sunlight as though the trees lean away to allow its rays to give them life. He spoke of the red trees and the white trees and the  black trees, each forming a part of a beautiful pattern in their diversity." (Chief John Snow, 1977, p1126).

GOALS

12.1 To know the basis of a supportive relationship;

12.2 To be genuine and communicate respect in the helping process;

12.3 To effectively use the helping skills in a supportive manner.

COMMENT; Ask the participants if they have any questions from the previous module. Allow 5 minutes for questions. Keep your answers brief and invite the participants to meet with you after the module.

ACTIVITY 12.1: Presentation

TIME: 20 MINUTES

TITLE: Being Supportive.

Many counselling theorists say the most important ingredients in human nourishment are a commitment to helping, compassion to the plight of others, and human relations skills. But the essence of human nourishment is being supportive of those who are different, regardless of their background or situation. Chief John Snow, of Stoney Nations, stressed that a beautiful forest is one that has diversity of harmony. Each person must find their own way, but that commonly comes about by mutual support. For the peer support giver this means there is a commitment to growth physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually thereby creating an atmosphere of growth in others. To do this requires both discipline and the ability to nurture self-respect.

A disciplined peer support giver does not have temper-tantrums not is she/he self-indulgent. When discipline is used, the supportive peer support giver is more apt to be aware of others. The skills the peer support giver develops increases the repertoire of skills offered. The skills of empathy, reflection of meaning and self-disclosure are a few examples. Strategies of helping others to cope with alienation, loneliness and helplessness give the peer support giver goals to help other people to achieve a satisfying quality of life.

The peer support giver needs to be open to the needs and desires of others. It is easy to tell others what they should do and it is easy to tell others what you have done. However, it is more valuable to help others help themselves. This requires that the peer support giver be respectful and genuine if others are to be helped and to leave the individual with a sense of their own strengths and potential.

Of all the human characteristics valued by First Nations people, the most important is respect. Perhaps this is so because we have traditionally viewed ourselves as one with the animals, trees and all the living things around us. In order to live in harmony with these things, we are linked to our people who are also our brothers and sisters. So it is not surprising that one of the most helpful things we can do is demonstrate respect. But respect is not showing deference, it is showing we recognize every being has an innate sense of dignity. In fact, the word respect literally means back ("re") plus to look at ("spectare"). In other words, to feel or show honor or show esteem to others. Essentially, respect is the valuing of others. For the peer support giver this means an explicit communication of regard for other people. Respect can be communicated through the expression of warmth, acceptance or through actively valuing people. For example, the peer support giver respects:

Notice that respect is a little different from empathy and reflection of meaning. Respect, like reinforcing positive self-esteem, involves you, the peer support giver, giving your feelings and reactions to the other person.

Genuineness is the act of being natural, spontaneous, open and congruent to the actions and feelings of others. When we look at people we admire, it seems to be those individuals who are acting in a way that is natural to themselves. They do not put on "airs" or swing from one fad to another. They change outwardly, like the seasons, but there is a core of being which remains the same. In one word, you would describe the person as genuine. If you look at the Latin root of genuineness, it is derived from the word "ghanaians" which means inborn. In other words, the peer support giver must be sincere, real, and not artificial. Genuineness is similar to respect in that the peer support giver shares feelings and thoughts. When being genuine, the peer support giver:

The supportive peer support giver must be genuine and respectful, but it is also important to be positive and patient. Sometimes listening to others' complaints and worries can be frustrating and can produce a sense of failure within the listener. This is especially true of individuals who are not communicative and negative. It is easy to feel good about successes but it can be difficult to deal with perceived failures. Some times these failures are not failures at all. As a peer support giver you may add only one little "ray of hope." However, little this hope may be, it often has lasting effects that you may never see. The following is a dialogue where the peer support giver effectively uses respect and genuineness.

PERSON: " I just can't stand how my roommate keeps playing his/her stereo at the same time I am studying. When I have said it is too loud he/she smiles and turns it down a little bit, but then the next time she/he does it again. It is really getting me down.

PEER SUPPORT GIVER: "I can see you are frustrated all right, but you seem like a person who knows how to deal with that type of person."

PERSON: "Yes but this is really different....."

PEER SUPPORT GIVER: "You seem like you are ready to 'explode' with this issue. What would be the ideal solution for you?"

PERSON: Ha, Ha! (laughing). I would like to get rid of the person once and for all. But in many ways my roommate has some good qualities. I guess I would like to be able to deal with him/her. Perhaps she/he has a problem I could help with."

PEER SUPPORT GIVER: "You know I am impressed with how you have put aside your own anger and frustration about your roommate and thought of how you could help him/her. You really are an understanding and patient person. If I can help, please let me know."

DISCUSSION:

The peer support giver started out by reflecting the person's feeling of frustration and anger but quickly shifted to reinforcing the person's potential in overcoming the difficulty. Then the peer support giver used a novel approach by asking for an ideal solution. The person's response was flippant at first but was followed by a thoughtful expression of concern. The peer support giver followed this up with another positive reinforcement of the person's patience and understanding.

Remember:

You are most helpful when you are:

ACTIVITY 12.2 Brainstorming Respect

TIME 12 Minutes.

DIRECTIONS: Divide the blackboard into two parts. Label one part "respect" and the other part "your feelings."