HOW CAN SHARING AND SELF-DISCLOSURE HELP OTHERS?

"They say that it is in the nature of the Natives relationship to the cosmos, the land, to all life-forms, to himself [herself], manifest in ritual an ceremony. They say that to learn the how and why of traditional Native stance is to find the key, to discover a saving grace of insights and a creative power beyond any rationality, all crucial to human continuance" (Joseph Couture (l991, p. 201)

GOALS: 5.1 To learn to use the healing power of stories and legends as a helping strategy;

5.2 To develop insight into how self-disclosure can be effectively used in the helping process;

5.3 To know when self disclosure will be effective;

5.4 To get practice in using self disclosure in a helping situation.

COMMENT: Ask the participants if they have any questions from the previous module. Allow 5 minutes only for this question period and leave all other questions until after the module is completed.

ACTIVITY 5.1: Presentation

TITLE: Self-Disclosure

TIME: 20 Minutes

Most of us are familiar with the stories and legends of our ancestors, in which a story was not only told as a form of entertainment, but as a means for communicating some important moral message. For example, all of us are familiar with the various stories of those who live long ago and how these people learned to live in harmony with the environment. In a sense, these stories and legends are disclosures of someone's experiences told and retold to help us become more in tune with ourselves, our communities and our environment. It is easy to imagine a story teller passing on these legends which are filled with human fragilities in order to teach valuable lessons to us all. While these tales have gained wisdom with the telling and retelling, all of us are full of stories of our past experiences that we can share with others. These stories are self-disclosures which have a healing quality when shared to enhance someone's personal strength.

According to Axelson (l993) First Nations people have traditionally valued sharing, particularly in the physical (e.g. food and shelter) and social realms (praise and shame). Sharing the self or self-disclosure can be a powerful tool for building trust, providing insight, and moving a person to a deeper level of understanding. Research in the counselling process has consistently demonstrated that self disclosure by helpers encourages reciprocal disclosures by clients and increases trustworthiness (Sue & Sue, l991). It is important to remember that a self- disclosure is not just a sharing of a related experience, but a conscious act of creating facilitive conditions for enhancing a relationship. A working definition of the skill of self-disclosure is that it is the willingness of the peer support giver to uncover and reveal thoughts and feelings that have direct relevance to a concern of a person being helped. The peer support giver can use self-disclosure effectively by disclosing:

l. Examples of values, opinions and beliefs;

"I value people who are respectful of nature."

"I believe that we as First Nations people need to be more open to the wisdom of your elders."

"I really found her to be very helpful to those in the community."

2. Examples of personal histories, concerns, or problems;

"I know that when I pay more attention to the spiritual aspects of life, I feel so much better."

"Sometimes I find myself really discouraged about the work ahead of me and it really gets me down."

"I have difficulty at times with one of the  people I work with and I just don't know what to do about it."

3. Examples of issues or insights;

"I've been cutting down on alcohol since I realized that it not only hurts my relationships,  but can significantly affect my health."

"I sometimes have problems telling those I care about how I feel."

4. Examples of dreams and aspirations for the future;

"I would like to write about my father's personal comeback from his experiences in the residential schools."

Notice that all the examples start with "I." "I" statements are very powerful, because they are personal and direct. However, it should be remembered that the self- disclosure should be appropriate to what the person is experiencing.

Self disclosure can have a positive effect facilitating self-exploration and self-understanding or it can stop the communication process. On the positive side, think back when a friend shared some personal issue or concern about him or herself and you will probably recall that it was the most positive experience in the relationship, mainly because the friend was saying, "I trust you" and "I am human too." It is possible that your self-disclosure can motivate a person to take some positive action, creating a sense that, if she/he can do it, then perhaps "I" can too. It also encourages the person to share a problem or concern at a deeper level than he would otherwise do.

On the negative side, the peer support giver has to be careful not to overburden the person for example, when your self-disclosure of a problem tops his/her problem: "You think you have a problem, my doctor told me I will never recover." Any self-disclosure which has the effect of producing amazement or sympathy will probably be negative. Another negative consequence may be that the self-disclosure will reduce the person's belief in the peer support giver's potency. In other words, "If she can't solve her problem, how can't she help me with mine? The focus should always be on the person; anything that the peer support giver does to take the focus off the person is to be avoided.

In the following situation, the peer support giver is working with a student who has difficulty speaking up in class. Notice how the peer support giver gets the student to talk about the problem at a deeper level and focuses on the sharing of feelings rather than information.

PEER SUPPORT GIVER: "It must be difficult to adjust to living in a residence like this. Do you miss living in the North."

PERSON: "Yeah . . . I have to say that I do. You know, I feel so different here."

PEER SUPPORT GIVER: "When I first moved down here, I felt like I was some kind of Martian. But I found that the most difficult thing was speaking up in class. I'd know the answer until I was called and then I'd just freeze up."

PERSON: "You too? It's like I never studied. I hate being on the spot. My mind just goes blank."

PEER SUPPORT GIVER: "It's like a deer caught in the headlights of a car on a dark road. Frightening!"

PERSON: "You said it..." (shaking his head and looking down).

PEER SUPPORT GIVER: "When I first came here, I just couldn't feel comfortable. Everybody seemed so know so much more than me."

PERSON: "Yeah, that sums it up. Yet I know I'm not dumb. It's just I want to do well. I know I can, but . . ."

DISCUSSION: The person had difficulty in talking about his problem. The peer support giver first self-disclosed by sharing how she felt in the classroom environment. The second self-disclosure facilitated a deeper examination of the person's concern. The self-disclosure identified feelings of the person's discomfort in talking about feeling frightened and unworthy. The most important aspect of these self-disclosures was oriented towards feelings.

Remember:

When using self-disclosure:

ACTIVITY 5.2: Stories and legends as a metaphor

TIME: 45 Minutes

DIRECTIONS: You can begin this activity by sharing how First Nations people, particularly in the past told stories to entertain and impart a moral message about how to live in harmony. You may wish to tell a story you have heard or use one of the many stories in books like J.J. Wallas' Kwakiutl Legends, published in l989 by Hancock House Publishers (Surry, B.C.). In this book, Chief James (J.J.) Wallas shares that he learned the stories around the fire at the Long House during the long winter nights. After telling the story, either share how the story helped you or ask the participants their reactions to the story. It is important you try not to analyze the meaning or push a particular idea. In a helping situation, it is better to let the story do its own marvelous work of growing in the mind of those who hear it. The story will stay with them and affect them long after you leave. This is the value of stories and legends. They are seeds which grow in time and provide meaning when meaning is needed.

A legend that affected me profoundly, was told by Isobel Kootanay, from the Stoney Nation, and is one of the best examples of the healing effects of story telling. The story comes from a book called The Roaring of the Sacred River, by Steven Foster and Meredith Little. According to the story, "there was once a very busy mouse, who during his daily activities heard odd sounds. He would stop and listen, but he could not identify it, so one day he asked another mouse if she heard it. But she only replied that she was to busy to pay any attention to anything but her work. He still heard the roaring sound from time to time and he kept asking others if they heard it. Soon, all the other mice, thought him crazy. Trying to investigate the sound further he heard a voice say: "Hello little brother." It really scared him, because when he looked up, he looked into the large colourful face of a raccoon. "Don't be afraid little brother," said the raccoon. "What are you doing here," the raccoon said. "I hear a roaring sound and I'm trying to find out what it is." "That, little brother, is the river," replied the raccoon. "I'll show you where it is." Even though his heart was pounding the mouse went with the raccoon. When they came to the river, it was huge and breathtaking. In a shallow place in the river, there was a frog, who welcomed them. The raccoon then told the mouse that he had to leave, but his brother the frog would take care of him. The frog then begin to tell him about his life in the river. It amazed the mouse because he had always been concerned with his own little life. The frog then asked him if he would like to have some medicine powder. The mouse answered yes. The frog said, "Then you have to crouch as low as possible and then jump as high as you can." The mouse did as he was told and what he saw totally amazed him. "I saw the sacred mountain!" Then he fell back to earth, fell into the water and he scrambled back to the bank of the river. He felt very afraid and angry. "You tricked me," said the mouse. "You are not hurt," replied the frog. "What did you see?" "Well, I think I saw the sacred mountain," said the mouse. "You have a new name, now. From now on you will be called Jumping Mouse," replied the frog. "Thank you. I will go back and tell my people," said a much wiser mouse."

ACTIVITY 5.3: Modeling

TIME: 15 Minutes

DIRECTIONS: Ask one of the participants to role play a problem or present any issue that is on his/her mind. What you want to do is demonstrate the use of self-disclosure. You may not have experienced the situation or issue presented, but you may have felt the same emotions under certain circumstances. Besides, what you want to do is have the self- disclosure elicit a feeling response. Sometimes participants have difficulty thinking of an issue to role play or present; thus, you could suggest loneliness, loss of a friend, illness, or irritation. The modeling does not have to be longer than 3-5 minutes.

At the conclusion of the modeling, ask the presenter how she/he felt. Remember, you want to focus the participants on the power of self-disclosure in helping to explore feelings. Next ask the participants to give you feedback using the four feedback guidelines.

ACTIVITY 5.4: Self-Disclosure 'Circle'

TIME: 30 Minutes

DIRECTIONS: Ask the participants to get in a circle. Each participant is to turn to the person to the left and make a statement relating to a problem situation. For example, example, (in a downcast manner) "I am really missing my family and friends." The peer support giver response is: "The other day it seemed as though I didn't have a friend in the world, I felt so sad and lonely." The person making the self-disclosure then turns to the left and makes a statement relating to a problem situation. This continues until everyone has had a chance to do it. Remember to give an example of what the participants are to do before you start and make suggestions and give feedback to the participants after finish.

ACTIVITY 5.5: Practice

TIME: 30 Minutes

DIRECTIONS: Ask the participants to get into a triad, with each participant taking one of the following roles: peer support giver, person, and observer. The peer support giver is to use the skill of self-disclosure, the person is to present some issue or problem, and the observer is to give feedback using the feedback guidelines. The observer should also be the time keeper, with the role play and feedback lasting 5 minutes each. After 10 minutes ask the participants to change roles, until everyone in the triad has had a turn in each role. You may have to give the participants some suggestions on issues or problems to present. Some possibilities are:

1. feeling down because of a break-up of a relationship;

2. worrying about not having enough money;

3. wondering what to do about a friend who is depressed.

ACTIVITY 5.6: Types of Self-Disclosure

TIME: 30 Minutes

DIRECTIONS: Ask the participants to choose a possible self- disclosure for each of the following situations and write down:

1. something you would disclose to anyone;

2. something you would disclose to a close family member;

3. something you would disclose to a close friend;

4. something you would not disclose to anyone;

Next, ask the participants to imagine themselves as peer support givers and write down how they would respond. Ask them to pay attention to any physical reactions and thoughts that occur as a result. Ask the participants to share with the group.

ACTIVITY 5.7: Inappropriate vs. Appropriate Self-Disclosure

TIME: 30 Minutes

DIRECTIONS: Ask the participants to think of all the different types of self-disclosures and write them on the blackboard. Next, ask the participants to choose a partner and decide who will go first. Participant one will role play any problem, while the second participant will enact any of the inappropriate behaviours listed. Allow a few minutes and then ask them to reverse the roles. After everyone has had a chance to experience the inappropriate ways, ask them to respond in an appropriate manner. Allow time for a discussion of the differences.