HOW TO HELP WITH ISSUES OF ALIENATION?
"My sons feel like belonging to a great club now, they have
friends everywhere in the Salish area, they all consider themselves brothers and sisters.
When they enter a long house they know they belong to all these people. That gives them
security, a sense of belonging."[Jilek, l982, p. 89]
GOALS: 7.1: To get in touch with the experience of alienation;
7.2: To understand what alienation is and how it occurs;
7.3: To practice using communication skills and self-esteem enhancement
strategies in dealing with alienation.
COMMENT: Ask the participants if they have any questions from the
previous module. Allow 5 minutes for this questioning period. If there are more questions,
let the participants know you will be available after the module.
ACTIVITY 7.1: Visualization: Remembering the Experience of Being Alone
TIME: 10 Minutes
DIRECTIONS: Explain to the participants that you are going to ask them
to visualize the experience of feeling alone as a means of understanding what it is like
to feel totally isolated. Ask the participants to close their eyes and say the following:
"I would like you to remember back when you first experienced a
feeling of being alone. Picture your surroundings and remember how you felt. Next, I would
like you to remember the last time you felt this way. Again, picture your
surroundings and remember how you felt. Now open your eyes and compare the two incidents.
Although your age was different, were the circumstances the same? Were the feelings the
same? How might you describe these feelings of loneliness?"
Ask the participants to turn to their neighbors and share their
answers.
ACTIVITY 7.2: Presentation
TITLE: Alienation and Loneliness
TIME: 20 Minutes
All people have had the experience of feeling alienated or apart from
their selves and their community. First Nations people are particularly prone to
alienation, because they are the one people who have been systematically singled out by
the majority culture for assimilation. The banning of traditional practices, like the
Potlatch and Spirit Dances, had the effect of depriving people of their identity. The
residential schools and other damaging practices almost wiped out languages and a style of
living that has been almost impossible to retrieve. The challenge is still there, as
leaders like Ovide Mercredi stress, if we are to move forward. Poverty, substandard
housing, and unemployment continues to plague First Nations communities, putting,
particularly young people at risk. Anyone who looks at the history of this country can see
what has happened to the different peoples as the European explorer, trappers,
missionaries and finally military forces converged on North America. First Nations people
of Canada did not experience the long costly wars of conquest that native people did in
the United States. However, the damage to First Nations culture has been devastating, but
despite this, we have survived as a people.
Some of the ways in which we can begin to establish a healing process
not only involves helping one another through personal support and but also creating
positive role models for first Nations people. In a sense, this means providing a feeling
of community. As peer support givers, you can offer support to other First Nations
students by making them feel like a part of something great. While you cannot replicate
the richness of the community in which they originated, you can provide a sense of
belonging and, thereby, a strong sense of self. In fact the most important issue facing us
all is the establishment of a sense of strong identity. Everyone, regardless of their
cultural background has to face this issue if they are to avoid role confusion. Examine
closely, this poem from an anonymous First Nations' student:
Rivers flow. The sea sings.
Oceans roar. Tides rise.
Who am I?
A small pebble on a giant shore;
Who am I, to ask who I am?
Isn't it enough to be?
(Sandrock & Yussen, l992, p. 542)
The challenge for all of us is to "be"! It is much more
difficult when people feel isolated and alone. Even the feeling of being alone is
experienced in different ways. But feeling lonely is not just the feeling you have when no
one else is around. It is possible to be with others, but still feeling apart and alien.
The challenge is to be comfortable with oneself. To be lonely is to experience a painful
separation from others, which produces a "down" feeling. The result can be a
loss of self-esteem, dependency, and a gradual separation from others. It can also produce
inappropriate and anti-social behaviour which can lead to delinquency or even suicide.
What is Alienation?
Alienation is a discomforting experience that conveys a self-perception
that one is isolated and that something is missing. This means alienated people may feel
they are not connected to anyone or anything which can ,in turn, produce a feeling that
their lives are empty and worthless. As peer support givers, you may experience people who
feel alone and empty because of a number of causes. You may see someone with one or more
of the following types:
1. Cultural: A feeling of being separated from your culture (e.g., a
First Nations student living outside his or her community in the majority community);
2. Psychological: A feeling of being separated from the self or not
accepting who one is (e.g., denying the personal attributes of a First Nations person);
3. Social: A feeling of being separated from society (e.g., not
belonging to either the First Nations or majority group);
4. Interpersonal: A feeling of not being able to build a relationship
with another person (e.g., never finding anyone whom you care about or who cares about
you).
5. Cosmic: A sense of separation from the spiritual part of the self
(e.g. feeling isolated from our ancestors or having an empty spiritual feeling).
None of these types of alienation exists separately, but are all
interrelated. All produce pain and block people from learning and maintaining a satisfying
social network. All of us will experience these feelings from time to time. That's normal.
Some theorists, such as the existentialists, say feeling alone is an intrinsic element of
human existence. In fact, to love is to be alone. Perhaps, it is not even something to
escape from, but to cope with. What is fundamental in coping is to take responsibility for
ourselves. This doesn't mean we don't help others. Supporting others is the basis of our
humanity. But this acceptance is fundamental if social participation is to follow. This
means First Nations people have to feel better about themselves before they are able to
freely involve themselves with others in whatever way they desire.
How one reacts to any of these types of alienation is primarily
dependent of whether we: (l) have a well-developed support group; (2) are actively
involved with others; (3) look for new challenges; and (4) are open to learning new ideas.
Everyone is unique, but one thing is clear: to survive in a healthy manner requires that
we have a positive self-image based on involving ourselves with others, thinking
positively, and being open to new experiences. As with many people, the sense of
well-being depends upon our feelings of fulfillment and the satisfactory experiences in
our daily lives. This sense of fulfillment and satisfaction is not just the feeling of
what is achieved, but what can be accomplished in the present. This means that, if people
who feel alienated, are to develop positive self-images, they must be encouraged to
positively reach out to others. Essentially, the way people view themselves, their
self-image, greatly influences their state of well-being. In essence, it is their reaction
to changes which affects their self-image, not the changes themselves.
As a peer support giver, you will discover that some people have a
difficult time asking for help, because we all value self-reliance and personal strength.
What the peer support giver needs to do is to help others become more involved with the
community around them. The challenge for the peer support giver is to help others cope
with becoming victims to isolation and loneliness - in effect, to help them make what
Rupert Ross, in his book Dancing with Ghost, describes as how traditional First
Nations people regarded others around them:
"Native people traditionally viewed their relationship with the
environment as a circular one requiring much attention to maintaining a healthy balance,
so too I suggest, do they approach people, as resources which all will need, and as
entities which are worthwhile in themselves and for that reason deserve to be
nurtured."
In other words, the peer support giver must not only provide hope and
optimism, but nurturing as well. That is to reach out to others and bring them into the
fellowship of community. We are all one family, regardless of where we are from. We are
all in need of support, companionship, that is mutual and respectful. The purpose is to
give, because when you give, you also have.
Remember:
When helping others cope with alienation, you should:
ACTIVITY 7.3: Modeling
TIME: 15 Minutes
DIRECTIONS: Ask one of the participants to role play a problem or
present any issue that is on his/her mind. What you want to do is demonstrate how you will
talk to a person who is experiencing alienation. You may have to ask the peer support
giver to remember the first time he/she experienced feeling apart. The modeling does not
have to be longer than 3-5 minutes. After the modeling, identify the type of alienation
involved with the specific problem and then try to get the person involved with others by
using all the skills previously studied.
At the conclusion of the modeling, ask participants to give you
feedback using the four feedback guidelines. Be sure to reinforce effective feedback and
gently make suggestions to those who are not using the skills effectively or are having
trouble understanding the process. Remind the participants that they will make mistakes,
but that is the best way to learn.
ACTIVITY 7.4: Helping Circle
TIME: 60 Minutes
DIRECTIONS: Everyone should be sitting in a circle during this
activity. Start by explaining that someone will role play a problem and the rest of the
group will respond using any of the helping skills previously presented. Ask one of the
participants to role play a problem or present any issue related to one of the types of
alienation (e.g. cultural, psychological, social, personal or cosmic). Some possible role
plays may be someone who feels uncomfortable about being in the majority society. What the
peer support giver should do is provide support and enhance the person's sense of
identity. The purpose behind the helping circle is to provide the participants with the
opportunity to utilize their skills in a collective format. Ask for a volunteer to start
the process by using one of the dimensions of alienation. In the helping process, any one
of the helping skills can be utilized. The role of the facilitator is to keep the process
on task and to ensure that people are provided with feedback at the end of the activity.
The idea is not to solve the problem, in a short time, but to provide the participants
with the opportunity to work together.
ACTIVITY 7.5: Individual Practice
TIME: 30 Minutes
DIRECTIONS: Ask the participants to get into a triad, with each
participant taking one of the following roles: peer support giver, person, and observer.
The peer support giver is to use the skills previously studied to help the person cope
with loneliness, the person is to present some issue or problem related to alienation, and
the observer is to give feedback using the feedback guidelines. The observer should also
be the time keeper, with the role playing lasting 5 minutes and the feedback 5 minutes.
After 10 minutes ask the participants to change roles, until everyone in the triad has had
a turn in each role. You may have to give the participants some suggestions on loneliness
issues or problems to present. Some possibilities are: separation from close friends;
feeling different because of being a First Nations person; non-acceptance of who one is; a
sense of failure to belong to any social group; and spiritual isolation.
ACTIVITY 8.6: Getting in Touch With Being Apart
TIME: 15 Minutes
DIRECTIONS: First read a poem or play some music that has alienation
confused identity as one of its themes. Next, share a personal experience of feeling apart
and how it made you feel physically and emotionally. For example, "I remember the
first time I got dumped. I was 16 and I thought I would never find someone who was as
attractive as my past partner. For no reason, or it seemed that way to me, she didn't want
to see me anymore. I thought my heart would break literally. The pain I felt was
like nothing I've ever experienced." Ask the participants to pair
up and share their experiences. Allow 5 minutes for your example and five minutes for each
person in the dyad.
ACTIVITY 8.7: Identifying the Dimensions of Alienation
TIME: 10 Minutes
DIRECTIONS: First, present examples showing the dimensions of
alienation and then make lists of some of the experiences the participants have had. You
can divide the chalk board into five parts and label them for this purpose. Use the
following examples of alienation, to get the discussion started. You might want to ask the
participants what each of the examples are before writing them on the list.:
1. "No one understands me. Life on the reserve is so
different." (Cultural)
2. "I just can't seem to make friends here." (social)
3. "I have a lot friends, but I just don't feel connected to
anything. It's like something is missing in my life." (Cosmic)
4. "It seems people here don't like me." (Psychological)
5. "I feel "tongue tied" when I'm around people. What do
I say." (Interpersonal)
Variation: Generate a discussion on each of the dimensions of
alienation after they are identified by asking the following questions:
1. If you have experienced this type of alienation, how did it block
you from participation with others?
2. How would you know if someone is experiencing this type of
alienation?
3. What could you do to help someone experiencing this type of
alienation?
ACTIVITY 8.8: Valuing Differences
TIME: 20 Minutes
DIRECTIONS: First, share with the participants that often people feel
alienated, because they don't feel valued. Society often encourages people to be
competitive. Competitiveness, while having some positive aspects, encourages rivalry. Most
people have had the experience of feeling they were not quite as good as someone else,
because they couldn't play the guitar as well or their sports ability was not as good as
the next person's. Next, ask the participants to write down on a piece of paper:
1. some skill, such as an academic, musical or sports ability, they
always wanted to master as a child (e.g. "I always wanted to be a good hockey player
and make the community team.");
2. an enjoyable leisure pursuit, whether sports, music or just talking
walks in the forest that they enjoy;
3. some skill that they possess that brings them satisfaction.
After everyone has answered the questions, ask them to pair up, and
share the things they wrote down. While one person speaks, the other person should just
listen and only speak to ask clarifying questions. After the first person finishes, the
listener, should then summarize what the person shared, followed by some appreciative
remark (e.g. "Thanks for sharing that with me. I really appreciate how you have
turned your interest in hiking to a real skill. As you talked about how you go into the
forest, I got a sense that you are a very aware of your surroundings. Perhaps it is an
ability to look at things differently." The purpose is to provide the participants
with the opportunity to be positive and show appreciation to others who involve themselves
in different activities.
